Off Topic | Just for Laughs

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HELL EXPLAINED

BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona   chemistry mid term, and an actual answer turned in by a student. 

 

The answer by one student 🤓 was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.  

 

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?  

 

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

 

  One student, however, wrote the following:  

  First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

   Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

 

🤔This gives two possibilities:  

   1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.  

   2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So, which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct....leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting...'Oh my God.'

 

 

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

 

 

 

[cambridgehank]

4 hours ago, sandyk said:

Seniors Trip. 

 WARNING. May be offensive to some 

 

It was a bus tour for senior citizens.

When they arrived at the Three Sisters, in the Blue Mountains, the driver parked the bus and the passengers made their doddering, unsteady descent to the footpath.

As they filed past, one elderly lady stopped and whispered in the driver’s ear. “I’ve been sexually harassed.”

A few seconds later, another old dear stopped and whispered in his ear. ”Driver, I’ve been sexually harassed.”

This kept happening. Soon seven pensioners had complained – whilst others pointed to an old bloke who was crawling around the floor of the bus, looking beneath the seats.

The driver approached him, tapped him on his back and said, “Excuse me sir, I’d like to have a word with you.”

The old bloke looked up and said, “Of course you can, but not right at the moment. You see, I’ve lost my toupee and am trying to find it. I thought I’d found it seven times – but they were all parted in the middle and mine’s parted on the side.”

Old Redd Foxx joke, except it was on the train. We used to listen to his records when my parents were not home.

[cambridgehank]

This does not work on my mac?

[cambridgehank]

A bit naughty but funny 

[cambridgehank]

2 hours ago, sphinxsix said:

 

I hope you don't mind me reposting it where it belongs (Red Underwear thread) 

 

Why?

[cambridgehank]

36 minutes ago, sphinxsix said:

 

I was joking - there was some discussion on the other thread on BMW drivers 

 

Your joke went right over my head.  Hats off to you.

[cambridgehank]

5 minutes ago, sandyk said:

1919.

If you were around in 1919 (during the last pandemic ,and just before prohibition started)  
and came upon the following poster...

would you quit drinking? 

 

NFW

[cambridgehank]

4 Husbands

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director," she answered.

"Interesting," the newsman thought.

He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now - in her 80's - a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

(Wait for it)

She smiled and explained,

"I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."

(Oh, just hush-up and send this one on to somebody who needs a laugh.)

[cambridgehank]

No, no I was only commenting on the jokes.  I am not that easily offended and Chris can leave it here.

 

[cambridgehank]

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by.

He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman... he's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone, and danced like a Broadway star. And you should have heard him play the piano! He was an amazing guy."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."

Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order, and which fork to eat them with. And he could fix anything. Not like me -I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right."

Passenger: "Wow, some guy then."

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back, even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."

Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"

Cabbie: "Well... I never actually met Frank. He died, and I married his fucking wife!

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