Your Input Requested - What Is Right And Ethical In This Audio Equipment Sale Disaster

[esldude]

I suggest dueling pistols at 20 paces.  Settled in an old fashioned honorable way. 

 

JUST JOKING. 

 

I'd say you two have created a situation that will never be solved to either person's complete satisfaction.  So, take a bit of time to decide how you feel about it, what if any contacts you want with the person in the future, and proceed in the way you feel most comfortable and satisfied while keeping in mind nothing will make the trouble you experienced disappear from your life experience.  The worst thing would be to keep re-living the dissatisfaction over and over.  Make a decision your heart or gut feels good about and be done with it. 

[esldude]

6 hours ago, Ralf11 said:

1.  Your 25 year "friendship" is dead, no matter what.

 

2. How much do you care about the $2,500??  Didn't you buy the very expensive Audi R8 recently?  if that was you, then $2,500 should be a trifle.

 

What charities did your (former) friend support?  You could donate $2,500 to one in his name.

 

 

Not trying to start an argument.  But the charities bit.....that would rub me the wrong way.  I've seen such suggestions before, and while never having been involved I think it a weak approach.  If I thought I had $2500 coming to me, it would seem like a slap in the face to say, "I gave your money to charity".  I'd still consider it my money, and I decide what charities get my money.  You doing that for someone else seems like a way to keep it away from them and make it so they seem an ass if they complain.  I'd consider such a move one more insult on top of the money issue. 

 

 

[esldude]

On 4/6/2019 at 2:42 PM, left channel said:

 

Coming into this thread late, and not knowing either of you, this is just speculation but... your friend probably has bipolar disorder.  If so, then just know you consistently tried to do the right thing, and — without knowing what you know now — there is nothing you could have done that would have made this turn out any better. Just be done with it, and with him. You're not family.

 

When manic, it would be very common for such a person to irrationally purchase things he cannot afford and has no room for. When depressed, he will suddenly cancel everything regardless of the fallout. In both situations, he will argue his case well and will not be dissuaded. It's hopeless. I've been through or watched many similar situations, and I once saw a much larger transaction — for a house — fall through at great cost to everyone involved in exactly the same way. Over the years I've known at least five people with that disorder. They had very different personalities, with very different mood swing ranges. Some were really good people at heart, and most were well-meaning and harmless, but one or two were really mean and nasty when at the extreme ends of their cycles. In all cases the problems were very deep, and very confusing to the rest of us.

 

It's usually hard to truly blame a person with this disorder for what they've done, except maybe to blame him for not taking meds. Some don't like the meds because they make them feel blah. But meanwhile, we feel anything but "blah" about what they've done. It's very frustrating. We'd like to think that knowing all this, we can remain friends and just gently tell them "No" when necessary, but that seldom if ever happens until it's too late. All I can say is, if I'm right about this, just move on.

So we are now doing psychiatric diagnosis on an audio forum from quite a paucity of information?  I think this is a little too far.  You might even be right, but there is just too little information to go on. 

 

Talk to some people who do sales for a living.  The situation and reactions that are typical of any sizable purchase could be diagnosed as you have.  I knew one new car salesman who said, "everybody is sick the day after they buy a new car.  They wonder if having spent that much money they really wanted it all that much.  Well every normal person."

 

I think this approach-avoidance curve explains why most people have some tendency for such behavior with purchasing objects of considerable expense.  Stretching out the time between agreeing to a deal and concluding a deal like happened here will only exacerbate the situation.