Off Topic | Just for Laughs

[MetalNuts]

OMG! Could she just shut up?  I feel sad if I were him.

[sphinxsix]

There have been many funny jokes and other stuff posted here. Unfortunately all of them have one weak point in common - they are all subjectively funny. The joke to be really funny has to be objectively funny! Now listen to this - two million people from 70 countries voted on 40,000 jokes in a study by Dr Richard Wiseman, of the University of Hertfordshire and the British Association for the Advancement of Science to find out the funniest joke in the world.

Actually since this joke is objectively the funniest one in the world I should post it on the "Objective-Fi" forum, ask Chris for the moderator rights and remove all the posts negating the fact that it's simply the funniest one but since I'm a renegade, an ex-sobjectivist but never an objectivist I will post it here.

And you guys may agree or disagree with that 

 

Here's the joke.

 

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.

The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence; then a gun shot is heard.

Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"

 

 

Wikipedia - World's funniest joke.

[AnotherSpin]

What was the second place joke?

[sphinxsix]

19 minutes ago, AnotherSpin said:

What was the second place joke?

I don't know but researchers also included five computer-generated jokes, four of which fared rather poorly, but one was rated higher than one third of the human jokes:

 

What kind of murderer has moral fiber? – A cereal killer.

 

Computational humor

 

Edit - here's some more information :

richard wiseman psychology-of-humour

[gmgraves]

22 minutes ago, sphinxsix said:

There have been many funny jokes and other stuff posted here. Unfortunately all of them have one weak point in common - they are all subjectively funny. The joke to be really funny has to be objectively funny! Now listen to this - two million people from 70 countries voted on 40,000 jokes in a study by Dr Richard Wiseman, of the University of Hertfordshire and the British Association for the Advancement of Science to find out the funniest joke in the world.

Actually since this joke is objectively the funniest one in the world I should post it on the "Objective-Fi" forum, ask Chris for the moderator rights and remove all the posts negating the fact that it's simply the funniest one but since I'm a renegade, an ex-sobjectivist but never an objectivist I will post it here.

And you guys may agree or disagree with that 

 

Here's the joke.

 

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.

The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence; then a gun shot is heard.

Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"

 

 

Wikipedia - World's funniest joke.

Are the Brits working, under joke-proof conditions, to weaponize the joke? Each researcher knowing only part of the joke to avoid injury?

[sphinxsix]

Ok, since I'm on prof. Wiseman blog.. Some facts about the research. Enjoy! 

 

Early findings
The team took their first in-depth look at the data three months into the project.  The top joke at that early stage had been submitted by Geoff Anandappa, from Blackpool in the northwest of England, and involved the famous fictional detective Sherlock Holmes and his long-suffering sidekick, Dr Watson:

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping.  They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep.  Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: “Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see.”
Watson replied: “I see millions and millions of stars.”
Holmes said: “and what do you deduce from that?”
Watson replied: “Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like earth out there.  And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life.”
And Holmes said: “Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent.”

 

 

Science and humour
During the project, Richard approached some of Britain’s best-known scientists and science writers, and ask them to submit their favourite jokes into LaughLab.   The joke that went on to win the ‘best joke submitted by a well-known scientist’ category, was submitted by Nobel laureate, and professor of chemistry, Sir Harry Kroto:

A man walking down the street sees another man with a very big dog.  The man says: “Does your dog bite?” The other man replies: “No, my dog doesn’t bite”.  The first man then pats the dog, has his hand bitten off, and shouts; “I thought you said your dog didn’t bite”. The other man replies: “That’s not my dog”.

 

 

The comedy K
Early in the experiment, the team received the following submission:

There were two cows in a field. One said: “Moo.” The other one said: “I was going to say that!”

They decided to use the joke as a basis for a little experiment.  They re-entered the joke into archive several times, using a different animal and noise.   They had two tigers going ‘Gruurrr’, two birds going ‘Cheep’, two mice going ‘Eeek’, two dogs going ‘Woof’, and so on.  At the end of the study, they examined what effect the different animals had had on how funny people found the joke.

In third place came the original cow joke, second were two cats going ‘Meow, but the winning animal noise joke was:

Two ducks were sitting in a pond, one of the ducks said: “Quack.” The other duck said: “I was going to say that!”

Interestingly, the ‘k’ sound (as in the ‘hard c’) is associated with both the word ‘Quack’ and ‘duck’, has long been seen by comedians and comedy writers as being especially funny.  The idea of the comedy ‘k’ has certainly made it into popular culture.  There was also an episode of The Simpsons, in which Krusty The Clown (note the ‘k’s) visits a faith healer because he has paralysed his vocal chords trying to cram too many ‘comedy k’s’ into his routines.  After being healed, Krusty exclaims that he is overjoyed to get his comedy k’s back, celebrates by shouting out ‘King Kong’, ‘cold-cock’, ‘Kato Kaelin’, and kisses the faith healer as a sign of gratitude.

 

The top joke, as voted by Americans, was as follows:

At the parade, the Colonel noticed something unusual going on and asked the Major: “Major Barry, what the devil’s wrong with Sergeant Jones’ platoon? They seem to be all twitching and jumping about.” “Well sir,” says Major Barry after a moment of observation. “There seems to be a weasel chomping on his privates.”

 

 

The winning joke had been submitted by a psychiatrist from Manchester in Britain named Gurpal Gosall.  Richard contacted Gurpal and he explained how he sometimes told the joke to cheer up his patients, noting that: ‘…it makes people feel better, because it reminds them that there is always someone out there who is doing something more stupid than themselves’.

[RickyV]

😷 < - = smiling

[AnotherSpin]

1 hour ago, sphinxsix said:

Ok, since I'm on prof. Wiseman blog.. Some facts about the research. Enjoy! 

 

Early findings
The team took their first in-depth look at the data three months into the project.  The top joke at that early stage had been submitted by Geoff Anandappa, from Blackpool in the northwest of England, and involved the famous fictional detective Sherlock Holmes and his long-suffering sidekick, Dr Watson:

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping.  They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep.  Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: “Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see.”
Watson replied: “I see millions and millions of stars.”
Holmes said: “and what do you deduce from that?”
Watson replied: “Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like earth out there.  And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life.”
And Holmes said: “Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent.”

 

 

Science and humour
During the project, Richard approached some of Britain’s best-known scientists and science writers, and ask them to submit their favourite jokes into LaughLab.   The joke that went on to win the ‘best joke submitted by a well-known scientist’ category, was submitted by Nobel laureate, and professor of chemistry, Sir Harry Kroto:

A man walking down the street sees another man with a very big dog.  The man says: “Does your dog bite?” The other man replies: “No, my dog doesn’t bite”.  The first man then pats the dog, has his hand bitten off, and shouts; “I thought you said your dog didn’t bite”. The other man replies: “That’s not my dog”.

 

 

The comedy K
Early in the experiment, the team received the following submission:

There were two cows in a field. One said: “Moo.” The other one said: “I was going to say that!”

They decided to use the joke as a basis for a little experiment.  They re-entered the joke into archive several times, using a different animal and noise.   They had two tigers going ‘Gruurrr’, two birds going ‘Cheep’, two mice going ‘Eeek’, two dogs going ‘Woof’, and so on.  At the end of the study, they examined what effect the different animals had had on how funny people found the joke.

In third place came the original cow joke, second were two cats going ‘Meow, but the winning animal noise joke was:

Two ducks were sitting in a pond, one of the ducks said: “Quack.” The other duck said: “I was going to say that!”

Interestingly, the ‘k’ sound (as in the ‘hard c’) is associated with both the word ‘Quack’ and ‘duck’, has long been seen by comedians and comedy writers as being especially funny.  The idea of the comedy ‘k’ has certainly made it into popular culture.  There was also an episode of The Simpsons, in which Krusty The Clown (note the ‘k’s) visits a faith healer because he has paralysed his vocal chords trying to cram too many ‘comedy k’s’ into his routines.  After being healed, Krusty exclaims that he is overjoyed to get his comedy k’s back, celebrates by shouting out ‘King Kong’, ‘cold-cock’, ‘Kato Kaelin’, and kisses the faith healer as a sign of gratitude.

 

The top joke, as voted by Americans, was as follows:

At the parade, the Colonel noticed something unusual going on and asked the Major: “Major Barry, what the devil’s wrong with Sergeant Jones’ platoon? They seem to be all twitching and jumping about.” “Well sir,” says Major Barry after a moment of observation. “There seems to be a weasel chomping on his privates.”

 

 

The winning joke had been submitted by a psychiatrist from Manchester in Britain named Gurpal Gosall.  Richard contacted Gurpal and he explained how he sometimes told the joke to cheer up his patients, noting that: ‘…it makes people feel better, because it reminds them that there is always someone out there who is doing something more stupid than themselves’.

 

It's pretty weird. Holmes asked Watson what he saw and got a correct answer. He didn't ask what it meant.

About the dog, it was taken from one of the old movies with Peter Sellers. 

[Allan F]

A fellow was in a Starbucks recently when his stomach started rumbling and he realized that he desperately needed to fart. The place was packed but, to his good fortune, the music was really loud. So to get relief and reduce embarrassment he timed his farts to the beat of the music. After a couple of songs, he started to feel much better. When he finished his coffee he noticed that everyone was staring at him. He then suddenly remembered that he was listening to his iPhone with earpods.

[DuckToller]

18 hours ago, Audiophile Neuroscience said:

 

 

One of the greatest German humorists of the 20th century - Loriot,
Thank you !!!

[sphinxsix]

44 minutes ago, AnotherSpin said:

About the dog, it was taken from one of the old movies with Peter Sellers. 

 

I know it appeared in this movie. Where it came from may be another story.

 

44 minutes ago, AnotherSpin said:

It's pretty weird. Holmes asked Watson what he saw and got a correct answer. He didn't ask what it meant.

 

Not correct, my friend, first Holmes asked: “Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see.”, then : “and what do you deduce from that?” 

[GregWormald]

2 hours ago, RickyV said:

😷 < - = smiling

 

This woman is really funny! (IMO). If you enjoyed it, a youtube search for Nina Conti will be rewarding.

[Audiophile Neuroscience]

Everyone should have a Trunk Monkey !

[Audiophile Neuroscience]

4 hours ago, DuckToller said:

One of the greatest German humorists of the 20th century - Loriot,
Thank you !!!

 

Yes I agree.

The clip reminded me of the saying "Sometimes I Sits and Thinks, and Sometimes I Just Sits" ....sometimes credited to Winnie the Pooh (A A Milne) but apparently goes back to a Boston newspaper in 1905

 

The only problem with doing nothing is you never know when you're finished !

[Audiophile Neuroscience]

Loriot summing up the Subjectivist / Objectivist debate !

[DuckToller]

58 minutes ago, Audiophile Neuroscience said:

 

Yes I agree.

The clip reminded me of the saying "Sometimes I Sits and Thinks, and Sometimes I Just Sits" ....sometimes credited to Winnie the Pooh (A A Milne) but apparently goes back to a Boston newspaper in 1905

 

The only problem with doing nothing is you never know when you're finished !

...or when a heffalump needs your help ...

[Audiophile Neuroscience]

8 hours ago, sphinxsix said:

9 hours ago, AnotherSpin said:

About the dog, it was taken from one of the old movies with Peter Sellers. 

 

I know it appeared in this movie. Where it came from may be another story.

 

[AnotherSpin]

12 hours ago, sphinxsix said:

 

I know it appeared in this movie. Where it came from may be another story.

 

 

Not correct, my friend, first Holmes asked: “Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see.”, then : “and what do you deduce from that?” 

 

Watson deducted: there might also be life. This is correct deduction, not idiotic at all, some scientists believe the same. 

[Confused]

[Allan F]

The first testicular guard, the "Cup", was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

[Allan F]

Posted some time ago in another thread, but IMO worth reposting here:

[gmgraves]

20 hours ago, Audiophile Neuroscience said:

Loriot summing up the Subjectivist / Objectivist debate !

Actually it is very representative of the vast difference between men and women. Men are logical, “women are irrational, that’s all there is to that! Their heads are full of cotton, hay, and rags!”*

But then, what do I know? I don’t trust the fair sex** and I loathe the idea of matrimony. “Let them (other guys) buy those wedding bands for those anxious little hands... I will never let a woman in my life!**🧐

 

** “Women, even the best of them, are not to be trusted...” Sherlock Holmes

* *** George Bernard Shaw by way of Alan J. Lerner and Frederick Lowe

[gmgraves]

11 hours ago, Confused said:

Truer words were never spoken. In engineering school I took calculus, statistics, solid geometry and several other advanced mathematics classes that I slept through, but somehow managed to pass. In my entire career as an electronics engineer doing design work, I have never had occasion to use anything more advanced than high-school algebra!

[Audiophile Neuroscience]

3 hours ago, gmgraves said:

Actually it is very representative of the vast difference between men and women. Men are logical, “women are irrational, that’s all there is to that! Their heads are full of cotton, hay, and rags!”*

But then, what do I know? I don’t trust the fair sex** and I loathe the idea of matrimony. “Let them (other guys) buy those wedding bands for those anxious little hands... I will never let a woman in my life!**🧐

 

** “Women, even the best of them, are not to be trusted...” Sherlock Holmes

* *** George Bernard Shaw by way of Alan J. Lerner and Frederick Lowe

Well, you're a brave man George to spell it out. All I can say is that "I wear the pants" in my household. Mrs Audiophile Neuroscience tells me what pants to wear each day ! 🤣

[AudioDoctor]

26 minutes ago, Audiophile Neuroscience said:

Mrs Audiophile Neuroscience tells me what pants to wear each day ! 🤣

 

 

I laughed pretty good at this, thanks for that!