Off Topic | Just for Laughs

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A language teacher tried to explain this with "gender" to his students.

"I'll take an example," the teacher said. Boats, airplanes, cars and hurricanes are referred to as "she".

One of the students wondered what kind of sex a computer would be.

The teacher made this a group assignment and divided the class into two groups.

 

The girls concluded that a computer is definitely a "he" because:

1 He knows a lot, but rarely knows how to use his talent without getting instructions.

2 He is supposed to help solve your problems, but half the time he himself is the biggest problem.

3 To get his attention, you must first turn on him.

4 As soon as you get one you know that if you just waited a little longer you could find a better model.

 

The guys, on the other hand, considered that a computer is a "she" because.

1 No one, except her creator, can understand the built-in logic.

2 The language a computer uses to communicate with another computer is incomprehensible to anyone who is not a computer.

3 The smallest mistake is stored in a long-term memory and will cause problems long afterwards.

4 As soon as you get stuck for one, you will be forced to spend half the salary on more or less necessary accessories.

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A few weeks ago, Canadian researchers suggested that men should review their beer consumption, given the results of a recent study, which showed that beer contains female sex hormones. The conclusion the researchers have drawn from this is that men who drink a lot of beer gradually turn into women. To see if this was true, they performed the following tests: 100 men were allowed to drink 6 pieces of 50 cl beer each.

 

It turned out very true that 100% of men:

Gained weight

Talked exaggeratedly much without sensible content

Became excessively emotional

Could not drive

Failed to think rationally

Would argue over the smallest thing

Refused to apologize when they were wrong

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A man in a hot air balloon realized after a while that he was getting lost. He pulled down on the hot air and dropped to a reasonable height to ask a woman walking on the ground:

- Excuse me, can you help me? I'll meet a friend in an hour, but I don't really know where I am.

The woman replied:

- You are in a hot air balloon that hovers about 10 meters above the ground. You are between 57th and 58th latitudes of 18 degrees longitude, the woman cried.

"You're an engineer, huh?", The balloonist yelled back.

"Sure, how could you know?" The woman replied.

- Simple. Everything you said to me is technically correct, but I don't know what to do with the information. In fact, I still don't know where I am and you haven't really been much help, said the balloon man.

The woman replied:

- You have to be a business leader, right?

"Correct, but how do you know?" The aeronaut replied.

"Not difficult," the engineer replied. You don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to the position where you are thanks to large amounts of warm air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to fulfill, and you expect people below you to solve your problems, the engineer said.

For safety, she added:

- The fact is that you are in exactly the same position as before we met. But somehow it has become my fault, she added laconically.

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An 85-year-old man from a town in the north of Sweden went to the doctor and wanted to have a sperm test done.

The doctor, who was from Stockholm, gave the man a jar and said:

- Take this jar and come back tomorrow with a sperm sample.

The next day the man came back and handed the jar to the doctor. The jar was as clean and empty as the day before.

The doctor wondered what happened and the old man said:

- Yes, Doctor. It's like this, first I tried with my right hand, nothing happened. Then I tried with my left hand, still nothing happened. Then I called my wife for help.

She tried first with her right hand and then with her left hand, still nothing happened. She then tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then without teeth, still nothing happened.

We even called our neighbor, Agda and she is only 76. She also tried. First with both hands, then in the armpit. She even tried to squeeze it between her knees, but nothing happened.

The doctor was shocked

- You can't mean seriously. Did you really ask your neighbor for help?

- Yes, the old man said. And whatever we tried we didn't get up the damn cove.

 

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Statistics are like a bikini. It reveals some interesting, but hides the most important.

 

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And then it was the Texas resident who came to Australia for the first time in his life.

Suddenly he caught sight of a group of kangaroos and exclaimed in surprise:

- I'll be damned, your grasshoppers are really bigger than we have in Texas ...

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The man was out testing his new sporty Porsche.

He lowered the roof and pressed the gas. As he drove over 120 he saw blue lights behind him.

He had become somewhat speed blind, thinking that the police could never catch him. He pushed the gas to the bottom, but as he approached 170 he began to think:

- What the hell am I doing, and then he stopped at the roadside.

The police came to the car with the fine in hand.

- It has been a long day, my passport is soon over and it is also Friday the thirteenth. I have no desire to start messing with paper. I will let you know if you can provide an explanation for the speeding, which I have not heard before.

The man thought 2 seconds and answered,

- My wife left me last week, she left with a police officer. I thought he wanted to give her back.

The police wished the man a nice weekend.

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An American soldier stationed in Afghanistan recently received a letter from his girlfriend back home in the States.

The letter stated:

 

Dear Raymond

I'm sorry, but I don't want to continue our relationship. The distance between us is too large. Also, I have to admit that I have been unfaithful to you twice since you left so it is as good that it is over. - Sorry. PS. Can you please send back the photo I gave you ..

Goodbye / Wendy

 

The soldier, who looked a little taken, walked around among his comrades and collected all the pictures he could get, on girlfriends, sisters, cousins, ex, grandparents and aunts ... Together with the picture on Wendy he put all the photos in one envelope. Together, there were 57 pictures. He left with a one message ...

 

Dear Wendy

I'm sorry, but I forgot who you are.

Please pick out your photo and send the rest back ...

Ciao / Raymond

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16 hours ago, sphinxsix said:

The Brits still have a sense of humor (IMO).

 

 

 

Humor? 😜

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I'm on a strict whisky diet. I've lost few days already....