Off Topic | Just for Laughs

[sphinxsix]

 

 

 

 

[sphinxsix]

There have been many funny jokes and other stuff posted here. Unfortunately all of them have one weak point in common - they are all subjectively funny. The joke to be really funny has to be objectively funny! Now listen to this - two million people from 70 countries voted on 40,000 jokes in a study by Dr Richard Wiseman, of the University of Hertfordshire and the British Association for the Advancement of Science to find out the funniest joke in the world.

Actually since this joke is objectively the funniest one in the world I should post it on the "Objective-Fi" forum, ask Chris for the moderator rights and remove all the posts negating the fact that it's simply the funniest one but since I'm a renegade, an ex-sobjectivist but never an objectivist I will post it here.

And you guys may agree or disagree with that 

 

Here's the joke.

 

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.

The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence; then a gun shot is heard.

Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"

 

 

Wikipedia - World's funniest joke.

[sphinxsix]

19 minutes ago, AnotherSpin said:

What was the second place joke?

I don't know but researchers also included five computer-generated jokes, four of which fared rather poorly, but one was rated higher than one third of the human jokes:

 

What kind of murderer has moral fiber? – A cereal killer.

 

Computational humor

 

Edit - here's some more information :

richard wiseman psychology-of-humour

[sphinxsix]

Ok, since I'm on prof. Wiseman blog.. Some facts about the research. Enjoy! 

 

Early findings
The team took their first in-depth look at the data three months into the project.  The top joke at that early stage had been submitted by Geoff Anandappa, from Blackpool in the northwest of England, and involved the famous fictional detective Sherlock Holmes and his long-suffering sidekick, Dr Watson:

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping.  They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep.  Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: “Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see.”
Watson replied: “I see millions and millions of stars.”
Holmes said: “and what do you deduce from that?”
Watson replied: “Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like earth out there.  And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life.”
And Holmes said: “Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent.”

 

 

Science and humour
During the project, Richard approached some of Britain’s best-known scientists and science writers, and ask them to submit their favourite jokes into LaughLab.   The joke that went on to win the ‘best joke submitted by a well-known scientist’ category, was submitted by Nobel laureate, and professor of chemistry, Sir Harry Kroto:

A man walking down the street sees another man with a very big dog.  The man says: “Does your dog bite?” The other man replies: “No, my dog doesn’t bite”.  The first man then pats the dog, has his hand bitten off, and shouts; “I thought you said your dog didn’t bite”. The other man replies: “That’s not my dog”.

 

 

The comedy K
Early in the experiment, the team received the following submission:

There were two cows in a field. One said: “Moo.” The other one said: “I was going to say that!”

They decided to use the joke as a basis for a little experiment.  They re-entered the joke into archive several times, using a different animal and noise.   They had two tigers going ‘Gruurrr’, two birds going ‘Cheep’, two mice going ‘Eeek’, two dogs going ‘Woof’, and so on.  At the end of the study, they examined what effect the different animals had had on how funny people found the joke.

In third place came the original cow joke, second were two cats going ‘Meow, but the winning animal noise joke was:

Two ducks were sitting in a pond, one of the ducks said: “Quack.” The other duck said: “I was going to say that!”

Interestingly, the ‘k’ sound (as in the ‘hard c’) is associated with both the word ‘Quack’ and ‘duck’, has long been seen by comedians and comedy writers as being especially funny.  The idea of the comedy ‘k’ has certainly made it into popular culture.  There was also an episode of The Simpsons, in which Krusty The Clown (note the ‘k’s) visits a faith healer because he has paralysed his vocal chords trying to cram too many ‘comedy k’s’ into his routines.  After being healed, Krusty exclaims that he is overjoyed to get his comedy k’s back, celebrates by shouting out ‘King Kong’, ‘cold-cock’, ‘Kato Kaelin’, and kisses the faith healer as a sign of gratitude.

 

The top joke, as voted by Americans, was as follows:

At the parade, the Colonel noticed something unusual going on and asked the Major: “Major Barry, what the devil’s wrong with Sergeant Jones’ platoon? They seem to be all twitching and jumping about.” “Well sir,” says Major Barry after a moment of observation. “There seems to be a weasel chomping on his privates.”

 

 

The winning joke had been submitted by a psychiatrist from Manchester in Britain named Gurpal Gosall.  Richard contacted Gurpal and he explained how he sometimes told the joke to cheer up his patients, noting that: ‘…it makes people feel better, because it reminds them that there is always someone out there who is doing something more stupid than themselves’.

[sphinxsix]

44 minutes ago, AnotherSpin said:

About the dog, it was taken from one of the old movies with Peter Sellers. 

 

I know it appeared in this movie. Where it came from may be another story.

 

44 minutes ago, AnotherSpin said:

It's pretty weird. Holmes asked Watson what he saw and got a correct answer. He didn't ask what it meant.

 

Not correct, my friend, first Holmes asked: “Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see.”, then : “and what do you deduce from that?” 

[sphinxsix]

A man walks into a police station and announces, “My wife’s gone missing.”
The police officer says, “OK sir, we’ll help you. Since when has your wife been missing?”
The man replies, “Since about a month ago.”
The police officer is shocked, “What? A month?! Why on Earth are you coming only now?!”

“Well… I’ve no clothes to put on anymore.”

 

 .................................

 

 

What is the worst combination of illnesses?

Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running, but can’t remember where.

 

 

 

[sphinxsix]

deleted, wrong thread

[sphinxsix]

2 hours ago, AudioDoctor said:

 

Its not even black...  It's orange.

 

Here is the "Black Box" in the plane I fly.

 

 

 

Found something like that in my backyard once, was asking myself WTF is that.? 

 

 

[sphinxsix]

 

[sphinxsix]

The world's worst wax museum - in pictures

 

 

The Beatles or the Rolling Stones.? (if it weren't for the cloth..)

 

And this one.? 

 

 

But you surely won't guess who's this..

 

 

 

Sean Connery!

 

[sphinxsix]

 

If 'Abbey Road' was released today..

 

 

 

[sphinxsix]

2 hours ago, Superdad said:

I thought that was supposed to be Michael Jackson! 

 

I actually wouldn't be so sure that wasn't supposed to be Boy George.

Or Lady D..

 

[sphinxsix]

16 hours ago, Allan F said:

IMO, far more a sad and realistic commentary on the smart phone and the world of mindless slaves it has created rather than funny.

 

I agree, if it depended on me I'd jail people who use them compulsively in situations that are supposed to be social. As for playing music using phone's speakers in public places that would be life sentence.

[sphinxsix]

 

Quote

Adolf Hitler

The hair is misleading isn't it.. 

 

Time for a riddle, guys! Just found it on the internet. What's that.?!

The winner gets.. we will see what he gets.. I guess there may be no winner.. 

 

[sphinxsix]

37 minutes ago, Confused said:

Looks like a typical Saturday night for me....

 

I don't think a little bit of LSD from time to time is necessarily a bad thing but - no 

We're talking the picture with the guy in the armchair, not the one with the handsome guy with mustache looking deep into your eyes, right.? 

 

 

 

[sphinxsix]

An even safer option (and better photoshopped)

 

 

@Confused I hope everyone here has already realized my sense of humor is kind of risky/'on the edge' every now and then   Actually it quite often is probably not even funny, I think many would agree..

 

[sphinxsix]

10 minutes ago, GregWormald said:

So...why isn't the guy in the V-dub also on the phone?

 

Looks like he still was, just a second earlier..

If not he's probably an Amish.

 

[sphinxsix]

The last possibility is (and his facial expression may suggest this is the case) - he's just lost his phone 

[sphinxsix]

1 hour ago, DuckToller said:

I might prefer that search algorithms have no association made of this forum and uniforms with nazi symbols plus AH lookalikes.

 

C'mon, AH figure is a part of pop culture since at least 1940:

 

 

His images used to appear in WWII (also satire) brochures and are present on Wikipedia and everywhere.

 

Let's relax a little, creating additional tensions isn't the aim of this thread, I believe 

 

[sphinxsix]

5 hours ago, Confused said:

Well, we both follow @christopher3393's Cow Music thread, that must tell you something....

 

I deeply hoped this means something to both of us...

 

[sphinxsix]

32 minutes ago, DuckToller said:

Context seems to be important 

Laughed out things tend to get less frightening and more harmless. 

C'mon no-one propagated nazi ideas here, if someone did I would have been the very first one to report it, and not necessarily to Chris..

 

Edit: as for the Saturday 'dressing up games' it's actually the first time I hear of them..

[sphinxsix]

1 hour ago, Confused said:

I was watching the London Marathon last year.  One runner was dressed as a chicken, another runner was dressed as an egg.

 

I thought this should be interesting ....

 

1 hour ago, audiobomber said:

LOL! I take it neither came first?

 

Charity runners to settle chicken and egg dispute at London Marathon (2008)

 

The craziest London Marathon costumes :

Quote

 On my second year as a chicken I was joined by my friend Abdul, dressed as an egg. He finished way ahead of me, so the egg came first!

 

At least this time.

 

[sphinxsix]

21 hours ago, audiobomber said:

Maybe we could get back to the thread topic now.. Just For Laughs?

This actually isn't the funniest thing I recently heard/read and I personally appreciate it.

Thanks!

 

[sphinxsix]

 

[sphinxsix]