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Off Topic | Just for Laughs


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4 hours ago, DuckToller said:

One of the greatest German humorists of the 20th century - Loriot,
Thank you !!!

 

Yes I agree.

The clip reminded me of the saying "Sometimes I Sits and Thinks, and Sometimes I Just Sits" ....sometimes credited to Winnie the Pooh (A A Milne) but apparently goes back to a Boston newspaper in 1905

 

The only problem with doing nothing is you never know when you're finished !

Sound Minds Mind Sound

 

 

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3 hours ago, gmgraves said:

In our modern society, that seems to be more likely the case than not. I have a number of married friends, and in NONE of them is the husband the head of the household. One of my friends even admits it. “I’m not management at my house,” he says. “I’m merely the hired help. My pay goes into her account, she decides where to spend it, she pays the bills, if I need money, I have to beg for it, but she doesn’t ask me when she wants to buy something. I’m just here to fix broken things and chauffeur members of the family around”.

 

If I were this guy, I certainly wouldn’t admit to being in that position even if I were. But I wouldn’t be. Were I stupid enough to commit matrimony (and I’m not), I would run my marriage the same way that I have handled all of my female relationships. They get three strikes. After the third strike all my former girlfriends were OUT. I would do the same in a marriage. Piss me off three times and it’s ADIOS mi’lady!

 

 

 

 

What a charmer 🙃

 

Well, like I said I still wear the pants even if the Missus chooses which ones. You don't hear me whinging tho, I never complain about her wardrobe either..Oh............... meet the missus

1479876938_hornsANhaveyoubeenabadboyagain.jpg.b3696d6c6a1d2852927df1b36aa8b3cc.jpg

Sound Minds Mind Sound

 

 

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18 minutes ago, gmgraves said:

I like what actor George Sanders said when a reporter asked him how he felt after his divorce from Zsa Zsa: “Like a squeezed lemon.”  Never saw the appeal of either of the Gabor sisters, Zsa Zsa or Eva.

IMO Sanders and Gabor both had a cynical sense of humor, George's was just darker, right to the end.....

"Dear World, I am leaving because I am bored. I feel I have lived long enough. I am leaving you with your worries in this sweet cesspool. Good luck.George Sanders"

Zsa Zsa was great in "Green Acres" and a true Hungarian beauty. I loved Sanders old Philip Marlowe movies too

Sound Minds Mind Sound

 

 

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1 hour ago, Confused said:

A man visits the doctor advising that he has a lettuce leaf sticking out of his bottom.

 

The doctor asks the man to drop his trousers, so he can examine closely.

 

During the examination the man asks "How serious is this?"

 

The doctor replies "I am very sorry to inform you that this is just the tip of the iceberg..."

It could have been worse, it could have been a cabbage leaf🤣

Sound Minds Mind Sound

 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Harold, a retired chemical engineer shares his thoughts on retirement...

 

"I've often been asked, 'What do you do now that you're retired?' Well...I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background and one of the things I enjoy most is converting beer, wine and whiskey into urine. It's rewarding, uplifting, satisfying and fulfilling. I do it every day and I really enjoy it."

 

Harold is an inspiration to us all.

Sound Minds Mind Sound

 

 

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  • 3 months later...
11 hours ago, sandyk said:

The Laws of Life 

1.Law of Mechanical Repair- After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

 

2.Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.

 

3.Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

 

4.Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.

 

5.Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now

 

6.Law of the Bath  - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring.

 

7.Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

 

8.Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!

 

9.Law of Biomechanics- The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

 

10.Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

 

11.The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

 

12.Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

 

13.Law of Physical Surfaces -

The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

 

14.Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.

 

15.Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

 

16.Law of Public Speaking -- A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!

 

17.Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it OR the store will stop selling it!

 

18.Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there, you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

 

If you don't forward this to your friends, your belly button will unscrew and your butt will fall off.

 

Really... It's true.

I read it on the Internet!

Basically, Murphy wrote all these laws !

Sound Minds Mind Sound

 

 

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Digital expert speaks out on live BBC News!

 

I am told this actually happened around 2006 and some of our English cousins might remember? This guy in the clip apparently turned up to BBC for a completely unrelated job position and found himself on live BBC News being interviewed about the future of music digital downloads.

 

Sound Minds Mind Sound

 

 

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