When You Just Miss Out On Buying A Piece Of Audio Equipment You've Always Wanted On An Online Marketplace

[TubeLover]

I'm sure many of you have experienced the above. I'm also certain that many of us have dream equipment lists for components that just might, one day, appear for sale, used, on Audiogon, at a price we can afford. These are either components that we could't possibly buy at new retail pricing, and we hope for a steal on a used one, some day, something rare that can no longer be bought new, or some combination of the two.

 

I've lost a couple things that were painful. One, about five years ago, a matching center channel speaker for my home theater that's long out of manufacture, was made in extremely limited quantities and would have been a major upgrade to the performance of the system. In that case I actually clicked on "buy it now", and got confirmation from Audiogon that I purchased the item. I went to bed a very happy camper. The next day, I get a communication from the buyer that he had already agreed to a sale prior to my agreement to purchase and forgot for an hour or so to mark it sold. I asked Audiogon to intervene, because, as far as I was concerned, I had a right to the speaker, and had purchased it based on their system and rules. As usual, that went nowhere, and there has not been another one offered for sale since, to my knowledge.

 

Late last night, a preamp that had long been on my dream list, and again, was no longer manufactured made an appearance. It was in mint condition, was one of the last units made, and was exactly what I had wanted to further improve the performance of my system. It was however, not an inexpensive item, by any means, and I had just been hit by two unexpected financial expenses in the past week that added up to a tidy sum. Were it not for that, a late, still pending, repayment of a loan to my niece, and the need to look into things, I would simply have purchased it on the spot. I communicated to the seller that I was very interested in a potential purchase, and asked a question or two. I got up this morning, had a response from the seller, and, after doing some rushed financial analysis (and budgeting a ramen noodle diet for the next couple months determined I could still manage the purchase at this time. I went to the item to click on "buy it now" only to find it had sold. The seller was nice enough to send me a note indicating that he was sorry, but that he had gotten an offer, for his asking price, which turned out to be a whole twenty minutes before I went to purchase it. In some ways, the story of my life, but for twenty minutes, or an hour, here or there what things might have been.

 

What items that you wanted badly have you missed out on and what did you tell yourself afterwards? At the moment, "it just wasn't meant to be" or, "well, at least I didn't spend all that money" aren't cutting it for me. At the very least, we can commiserate over such setbacks.

 

JC

[master]

Stay positive and hope for the future I'd say.

 

I'm into vintage gear and while I have managed to collect many, there are also many I've never been lucky with... in particular vintage amps from Sansui and McIntosh. I even had a friend promise me a Sansui AU series, but then he ended up giving it to his bother - who is no audiophile and not in the least bit appreciative of what he has... but that's life.

 

I recently missed out on a McIntosh pre and power combo... went on sale and got sold even before I had time to check the listing.

 

Then again I think its not that bad... lots of excellent sounding gear availabe for a song these days.

[r_w]

It's happened to me at least three times:

 

- ATC PA65 @ £2k

- ATC SCM 300ASL Tower @ £10k

- Jeff Rowland Corus @ £4k

 

 

"While the wise man is making his mind up, the fool's already decided"

 

AKA

 

"You snooze, you loose"

 

I've had other major league wins to offset the above missed opportunities though, as in, 3 pairs of ATC SCM 20 ASL Pro for £1800 all in, that cost me £750 to refurbish.

 

;-)

[17629v2]

Why not take a wanted ad out on AG?

[KingCrimson]

I've had a couple great disappointments too. A year back, a pair of the exact Magneplanar speakers I always wanted came up for sale on the Gon at a great price, with proper pallet shipping included free, which is a big deal with those speakers . When I saw them they had already been sitting there for 27 days. I went home to get clearance from the financial controller (wife) somehow talked her into allowing the cost and went to buy the speakers and found them gone. Another time before they had the buy it now option, I sent the seller my agreement to pay at his full price, shipping, etc. just to find out he had accepted an offer shortly before he received it. That one still pains me because it was a small production amp that I've never found again for sale.

[TubeLover]

Why not take a wanted ad out on AG?

 

I've never found those to work very well. And often the seller wants more since you've indicated your interest so significantly.

 

JC

[gmgraves]

I've had a couple great disappointments too. A year back, a pair of the exact Magneplanar speakers I always wanted came up for sale on the Gon at a great price, with proper pallet shipping included free, which is a big deal with those speakers . When I saw them they had already been sitting there for 27 days. I went home to get clearance from the financial controller (wife) somehow talked her into allowing the cost and went to buy the speakers and found them gone. Another time before they had the buy it now option, I sent the seller my agreement to pay at his full price, shipping, etc. just to find out he had accepted an offer shortly before he received it. That one still pains me because it was a small production amp that I've never found again for sale.

 

A good argument for mysogamy amongst any guys who's passionate about their avocations. See, if you hadn't had to get an OK from "the boss"' those Maggie's would have been yours. They would have been mine!

[TubeLover]

A good argument for mysogamy amongst any guys who's passionate about their avocations. See, if you hadn't had to get an OK from "the boss"' those Maggie's would have been yours. They would have been mine!

 

Been there too, George. And, without trying to be melancholy, given what once came to pass, wish that I was again.

 

JC

[bluesman]

See, if you hadn't had to get an OK from "the boss"' those Maggie's would have been yours.

It all depends on what floats your boat. In response to the OP, I wandered into my dealer's shop one fine day in 1975 or so to find a like-new Crown CX844 sitting on his counter. It belonged to one of his regular customers, who happened to be a senior engineer with the Pennsylvania Railroad (which was part of Conrail by then, as I recall) and was on the go so much that he literally never used the deck. He asked Dan to find it a good home, and I was the intended recipient at a very fair price. Those of you who remember Crown tape decks know that this was a great but very pricey piece, and I only spent a few minutes thinking before deciding that I should pass on it (I was a surgical resident at the time and my wife was teaching).

 

A few weeks later, I happened to tell me wife about it, and she said, "You've wanted one for a long time and it'll last for years. Go back and buy it." But it was already sold, so she had Dan order a new deck for me for the amount I would have spent on the used CX. That bought me a high speed, 1/4 track, 2 channel SX724, which was a bit downscale from the 4 track 4 channel SX - but I certainly wasn't complaining, and I used that deck hard and lovingly until finally moving to computer recording and selling it a few years ago.

 

Marriage isn't for everyone - that's for sure. It's difficult at times and works out badly as often as not, if statistics are to be believed. But if it's right for you and you can truly share all of life with your mate, it's a wonderful thing. I've always told my wife what I wanted before buying it, usually in a phone call from the seller's premises. The very few times she's objected in 4+ decades, she's offered valid reasons beyond a knee-jerk "no". So I have no complaints at all.

 

Of course, I do miss those Infinity Reference Standards (which, in all fairness, I may have failed to describe adequately to her when calling from the dealer's showroom). I got them for a song and absolutely loved them for the year or so I had them before she asked nicely but firmly that I sell them and go back to my LS3/5as. OK - they may well have been a bit large for our 8' by 17' library with an 8' ceiling. And it was nice to be able to sit with other people in that room again.

[gmgraves]

It all depends on what floats your boat. In response to the OP, I wandered into my dealer's shop one fine day in 1975 or so to find a like-new Crown CX844 sitting on his counter. It belonged to one of his regular customers, who happened to be a senior engineer with the Pennsylvania Railroad (which was part of Conrail by then, as I recall) and was on the go so much that he literally never used the deck. He asked Dan to find it a good home, and I was the intended recipient at a very fair price. Those of you who remember Crown tape decks know that this was a great but very pricey piece, and I only spent a few minutes thinking before deciding that I should pass on it (I was a surgical resident at the time and my wife was teaching).

 

A few weeks later, I happened to tell me wife about it, and she said, "You've wanted one for a long time and it'll last for years. Go back and buy it." But it was already sold, so she had Dan order a new deck for me for the amount I would have spent on the used CX. That bought me a high speed, 1/4 track, 2 channel SX724, which was a bit downscale from the 4 track 4 channel SX - but I certainly wasn't complaining, and I used that deck hard and lovingly until finally moving to computer recording and selling it a few years ago.

 

Marriage isn't for everyone - that's for sure. It's difficult at times and works out badly as often as not, if statistics are to be believed. But if it's right for you and you can truly share all of life with your mate, it's a wonderful thing. I've always told my wife what I wanted before buying it, usually in a phone call from the seller's premises. The very few times she's objected in 4+ decades, she's offered valid reasons beyond a knee-jerk "no". So I have no complaints at all.

 

Of course, I do miss those Infinity Reference Standards (which, in all fairness, I may have failed to describe adequately to her when calling from the dealer's showroom). I got them for a song and absolutely loved them for the year or so I had them before she asked nicely but firmly that I sell them and go back to my LS3/5as. OK - they may well have been a bit large for our 8' by 17' library with an 8' ceiling. And it was nice to be able to sit with other people in that room again.

 

I was being somewhat fecitious in my comment about marriage, but still, just about every married guy I've ever known has had lie to their spouse, hide purchases from her, or go without what they want because she "wouldn't approve".

 

A common ploy by the female of the species in order to justify her expenditures on her hobby (the house) is that while hubby's expenditures are for him, and therefore selfish, her spending is for "us". Of course, that's poppycock. she gets the same pleasure from new drapes as he gets from a new DAC or new speakers. His reaction to new drapes? "Newspapers over the windows work just as well, as drapes."

 

P.S. Yes, I'm a life-long mysogamist. Never been married, never even considered it for one moment. I've always figured, why buy the candy store when the candy is free. But, of course, I realize that mysogamy is not for everybody, and I have seen some happy marriages in my time. My parents, for example were married for almost 70 years!

[duxservit]

I was being somewhat fecitious in my comment about marriage, but still, just about every married guy I've ever known has had lie to their spouse, hide purchases from her, or go without what they want because she "wouldn't approve".

 

A common ploy by the female of the species in order to justify her expenditures on her hobby (the house) is that while hubby's expenditures are for him, and therefore selfish, her spending is for "us". Of course, that's poppycock. she gets the same pleasure from new drapes as he gets from a new DAC or new speakers. His reaction to new drapes? "Newspapers over the windows work just as well, as drapes."

 

 

Ehm, the new denominational currency is "new kitchen countertop". Drapes no longer sufficient :-)

 

See, if only these kitchen appliance makers could build-in audio into the appliance, everyone would be happy.

 

Think a refrigerator that had a built-in MacIntosh amplifier; or a microwave oven that was also an audio streamer. He he... :-)

[TubeLover]

Of course, I do miss those Infinity Reference Standards (which, in all fairness, I may have failed to describe adequately to her when calling from the dealer's showroom). I got them for a song and absolutely loved them for the year or so I had them before she asked nicely but firmly that I sell them and go back to my LS3/5as. OK - they may well have been a bit large for our 8' by 17' library with an 8' ceiling. And it was nice to be able to sit with other people in that room again.

 

I applaud your purchase of the Infinity's and it's too bad your time with them only lasted a year. The way I look at it, people can sit anywhere! How many individuals got to own the Reference Standard's back then!

 

JC

[TubeLover]

I was being somewhat fecitious in my comment about marriage, but still, just about every married guy I've ever known has had lie to their spouse, hide purchases from her, or go without what they want because she "wouldn't approve".

 

In my case the lying and hiding started with my mother while I was in college, and for a time after while I built up enough funds to buy a small place of my own. I upgraded through three different Luxman integrated amps because they at least looked similar and I could slip them past her when she would look at them after I had secretly replaced one with an upgrade.

 

JC

[Gary.D.Olson]

I'm sure many of you have experienced the above. I'm also certain that many of us have dream equipment lists for components that just might, one day, appear for sale, used, on Audiogon, at a price we can afford. These are either components that we could't possibly buy at new retail pricing, and we hope for a steal on a used one, some day, something rare that can no longer be bought new, or some combination of the two.

 

I've lost a couple things that were painful. One, about five years ago, a matching center channel speaker for my home theater that's long out of manufacture, was made in extremely limited quantities and would have been a major upgrade to the performance of the system. In that case I actually clicked on "buy it now", and got confirmation from Audiogon that I purchased the item. I went to bed a very happy camper. The next day, I get a communication from the buyer that he had already agreed to a sale prior to my agreement to purchase and forgot for an hour or so to mark it sold. I asked Audiogon to intervene, because, as far as I was concerned, I had a right to the speaker, and had purchased it based on their system and rules. As usual, that went nowhere, and there has not been another one offered for sale since, to my knowledge.

 

Late last night, a preamp that had long been on my dream list, and again, was no longer manufactured made an appearance. It was in mint condition, was one of the last units made, and was exactly what I had wanted to further improve the performance of my system. It was however, not an inexpensive item, by any means, and I had just been hit by two unexpected financial expenses in the past week that added up to a tidy sum. Were it not for that, a late, still pending, repayment of a loan to my niece, and the need to look into things, I would simply have purchased it on the spot. I communicated to the seller that I was very interested in a potential purchase, and asked a question or two. I got up this morning, had a response from the seller, and, after doing some rushed financial analysis (and budgeting a ramen noodle diet for the next couple months determined I could still manage the purchase at this time. I went to the item to click on "buy it now" only to find it had sold. The seller was nice enough to send me a note indicating that he was sorry, but that he had gotten an offer, for his asking price, which turned out to be a whole twenty minutes before I went to purchase it. In some ways, the story of my life, but for twenty minutes, or an hour, here or there what things might have been.

 

What items that you wanted badly have you missed out on and what did you tell yourself afterwards? At the moment, "it just wasn't meant to be" or, "well, at least I didn't spend all that money" aren't cutting it for me. At the very least, we can commiserate over such setbacks.

 

JC

 

It was 1971 and I was all of 10 years old when, upon learning of my newfound interest in electronics, my uncle gave me his Akai reel-to-reel he'd purchased while in the US Navy. It was something to behold and surely the beginning of my love affair with audio. After that, I was riding my bike to a different audio retailer almost every day but could only dream of owning any of it. That was okay because I knew someday I would be able to afford one of those gorgeous pieces from Marantz if it was the last thing I ever did!

 

During the 70's my musical abilities progressed rapidly and I was being sought by musical groups with progressively busier schedules. In 1978 my schedule had gotten busy enough that my parents agreed I should finish the last 2 years of high school at "night classes" (which turned out to be during the day). My love for audio continued to blossom, especially from time spent in recording studios where no expense was spared on audio gear, however, I had become too busy to visit the audio stores.

 

It didn't seem like much time had passed when my income shot up and I had more money than I knew what to do with. It was finally time to get that audio gear I'd been dreaming about since I was 10!!! Quite a few stereo shops I frequented in earlier days had closed, so I picked up the phone book, found the closest Marantz dealer, and drove straight to it; four thousand dollars burning brightly in my pocket.

 

I got to the store and asked the salesman to show me the highest end Marantz gear. He didn't skip a beat. "Right this way, sir". Boy, was he about to make a hefty commission. He showed me the Marantz gear, and it wasn't pretty. Literally or figuratively. Over the next several minutes of my deflating dreams, I'd learned Marantz had been purchased a few years back by a company called Phillips, an overseas company that made fluorescent light bulbs and other "not pretty" stuff. They felt the brushed aluminum faceplates were unnecessary and took too much of their profits, as well as a lot of other expensive parts that Saul and his team had used in the 60's and 70's. The great Marantz I'd loved since I was a 10 year old kid no longer existed. I was too late.

[bluesman]

I applaud your purchase of the Infinity's and it's too bad your time with them only lasted a year. The way I look at it, people can sit anywhere! How many individuals got to own the Reference Standard's back then!

 

JC

And the reason I got them for so incredibly cheap a price was that they'd been kicked to the curb by multiple wives from the original owner's to the one who brought them back & bought Heresy instead. I think the dealer had exhausted every customer he knew who would try to adopt them, as they'd been sitting in the same corner of his showroom for months when he offered them to me.

 

BTW, this was not my regular, long term dealer (who wasn't an Infinity fan). It was a local shop (also now long gone) on the Philly main line that catered mostly to the moneyed crowd who saw "Hifi" and musical instruments as furniture. They carried excellent stuff, but it had to impress the guests to pass the test. The Refs were in and out of some major mansions before their brief stop in our humble abode. And, truth be told, we didn't have the space they needed to sound their best.

 

But they were great fun to have & play with for a while!

[wwaldmanfan]

A good argument for mysogamy amongst any guys who's passionate about their avocations. See, if you hadn't had to get an OK from "the boss"' those Maggie's would have been yours. They would have been mine!

 

My dad grew up during the depression, and, after serving in WWII, worked very hard to support his family. We had a nice house in an upper-middle class community. He was smart and sucessful in business, and put his three kids and four grandkids through college, then left everyone a nice inheritance. My mom had everything she wanted, but my dad never enjoyed spending money on himself. I think he had two pairs of shoes, one black, one brown.

You tend to repeat your parents' behavior, even unconsiously. I'm the same way. I have a decent stereo, but don't have upgrade-itis. I have one good racing bicycle which fits me well, rides nice, and has proven its durability. I have one guitar. I'm not a performing musician, and only have one pair of hands, so I don't need more. Fighting serious health issues has also taught me that material things are not important.

 

I disagree with George, who is not married. My wife is not the boss of our house. I don't need permission from her to buy anything. In fact, she encourages me to spend money, because she grew up poor and deprived, so now she buys shoes, clothing, jewelry, etc., like there's no tomorrow. She owns close to 150 pairs of shoes, clothing she's never worn, and so much jewelry that it's absurd. She hardly wears any of it. It just sits in our safe.

But, when it comes to the house, she couldn't care less. I do all the cooking and cleaning, so I'm the one who picked out all the cookware, knives, appliances, and even most of the furniture. She's got no visual sense of style, either, so nearly all the artwork that adorns our walls is mine (mostly psychedelic rock posters from the 1960's and Salvador Dali lithographs).

 

As far as regretting stereo equipment, I only regret not having my old H.H. Scott 299c amp completely refurbished, opting to sell it as is instead. I also regret all the cool guitars and amps I could have bought as a kid which would be worth a fortune today. But, who knew?

[bluesman]

A common ploy by the female of the species in order to justify her expenditures on her hobby (the house) is that while hubby's expenditures are for him, and therefore selfish, her spending is for "us". Of course, that's poppycock. she gets the same pleasure from new drapes as he gets from a new DAC or new speakers.

George, my friend, you're living in the 1960s. Most women today and for the last 2+ decades are barely recognizable as descendants of Donna Reed and June Cleaver. Women are now real people with jobs, interests, personal preferences, and valid opinions of their own. Wake up, man!

 

David

[Iain]

I'm sure many of you have experienced the above. I'm also certain that many of us have dream equipment lists for components that just might, one day, appear for sale, used, on Audiogon, at a price we can afford. These are either components that we could't possibly buy at new retail pricing, and we hope for a steal on a used one, some day, something rare that can no longer be bought new, or some combination of the two.

 

...

 

JC

 

It's just tech. be patient.

 

However if it's that special Hamburg Steinway, for which I've been searching for the past two years, I can understand your frustration.

 

Good things come to those who wait.

[gmgraves]

George, my friend, you're living in the 1960s. Most women today and for the last 2+ decades are barely recognizable as descendants of Donna Reed and June Cleaver. Women are now real people with jobs, interests, personal preferences, and valid opinions of their own. Wake up, man!

 

David

 

Not the one's I know! I know many married couples ranging in age from their late twenties all the way into their sixties. All the women are as I described. Nest building is hard-wired into the female psyche, they can't not do it. Every wife I have ever encountered wants to spend the lion's share of the couple's income on the house or apartment, and think that their hubby's/boyfriend's interests are stupid (no matter what they might be) and a waste of money that could (and should) go toward a new kitchen, new carpets, drapes, etc.

 

Women have always been "real people" with jobs, interests, personal preferences, and valid opinions of their own. However, the June Cleavers, and Donna Reeds of this society seem to have, in the past, much more than today, chosen to stay home and raise a family. Of course, starting in the late 20th century, with the middle class eroding quickly away, it became necessary for many wives to work in order for their families to continue to live as well as they used to live on just hubby's income.

[bluesman]

Not the one's I know! I know many married couples ranging in age from their late twenties all the way into their sixties. All the women are as I described. Nest building is hard-wired into the female psyche, they can't not do it. Every wife I have ever encountered wants to spend the lion's share of the couple's income on the house or apartment, and think that their hubby's/boyfriend's interests are stupid (no matter what they might be) and a waste of money that could (and should) go toward a new kitchen, new carpets, drapes, etc.

Wow - that's a truly depressing portrait if ever I've seen one! We have friends ranging from their 30s to their 90s (I'm about to turn 70 and my wife's a few years behind me), and most of them live far different lives than you describe. The 20 or so couples with whom we're closest include professional women (docs, lawyers, teachers, accountants, architects, musicians, designers etc) or craftswomen married to everything from health and law professionals to builders, custom furniture makers, musicians, photographers, chefs, journalists etc. We have married female friends who are farmers, TV news anchors, weavers, financial consultants, car salespeople, shopkeepers, etc - and none of them behaves as you describe. Neither do the more traditionally occupied wives we know.

 

Most of the couples we know share both their resources and decisions about how to allocate them. Interestingly, a surprising number are childless by choice across the age spectrum. We chose to have kids together and (like most of the parents we know) have shared the blame since doing so (just kidding......most of the time!) So I have to tell you again that Mary Tyler Moore and Donna Reed are barely able to cling to their curtains in the headwinds of change.

 

I must admit that I'd probably feel the same way you do about marriage if the only women I knew were sitcom clones.

[gmgraves]

Wow - that's a truly depressing portrait if ever I've seen one! We have friends ranging from their 30s to their 90s (I'm about to turn 70 and my wife's a few years behind me), and most of them live far different lives than you describe. The 20 or so couples with whom we're closest include professional women (docs, lawyers, teachers, accountants, architects, musicians, designers etc) or craftswomen married to everything from health and law professionals to builders, custom furniture makers, musicians, photographers, chefs, journalists etc. We have married female friends who are farmers, TV news anchors, weavers, financial consultants, car salespeople, shopkeepers, etc - and none of them behaves as you describe. Neither do the more traditionally occupied wives we know.

 

Most of the couples we know share both their resources and decisions about how to allocate them. Interestingly, a surprising number are childless by choice across the age spectrum. We chose to have kids together and (like most of the parents we know) have shared the blame since doing so (just kidding......most of the time!) So I have to tell you again that Mary Tyler Moore and Donna Reed are barely able to cling to their curtains in the headwinds of change.

 

I must admit that I'd probably feel the same way you do about marriage if the only women I knew were sitcom clones.

 

I still don't get where you are coming from with this "sitcom clone" business that you keep mentioning. Wanting to improve the house, and having that as major interest in their lives, does not, in any way mean that the two concepts (housekeeping and having a career, other interests, and developing their intellect) are mutually exclusive female characteristics. Most of the married women that I know work, are active in the community, have definite political ideas (mostly left-wing progressive, for some reason) and many are sparkling conversationalists. They are also mothers and housekeepers, and whatever their other endeavors, they like to make their home theirs, and fix it up according to their personal tastes.

 

Btw the female belief that the man of the house should not spend their money on his hobbies and interests, is not the reason I never married, but not having to get the little woman's permission to spend my money where and when I want to, is certainly a perk of single life. I decided to be a confirmed bachelor when I was quite young, actually. I was about 10, as I recall, when I told the little girl next door that I was going to stay single when I grew up and move to California. I did both even though after more than 45 years in the SF Bay Area (Silicon Valley actually), I don't live there any more. But I am still blissfully single

[semente]

Could it be possible that audiophiles lie to their wives because they feel guilty about overspending?

In my opinion most of us waste too much money in this hobby...

[Gary.D.Olson]

I still don't get where you are coming from with this "sitcom clone" business that you keep mentioning. Wanting to improve the house, and having that as major interest in their lives, does not, in any way mean that the two concepts (housekeeping and having a career, other interests, and developing their intellect) are mutually exclusive female characteristics. Most of the married women that I know work, are active in the community, have definite political ideas (mostly left-wing progressive, for some reason) and many are sparkling conversationalists. They are also mothers and housekeepers, and whatever their other endeavors, they like to make their home theirs, and fix it up according to their personal tastes.

 

Btw the female belief that the man of the house should not spend their money on his hobbies and interests, is not the reason I never married, but not having to get the little woman's permission to spend my money where and when I want to, is certainly a perk of single life. I decided to be a confirmed bachelor when I was quite young, actually. I was about 10, as I recall, when I told the little girl next door that I was going to stay single when I grew up and move to California. I did both even though after more than 45 years in the SF Bay Area (Silicon Valley actually), I don't live there any more. But I am still blissfully single

 

I believe in marriage but not in encouraging it. A man either embraces the commitment, is on the fence about it, or is completely opposed. The first group needs no encouragement, and the latter two have no business getting married.

 

If and when it's "right", encouragement isn't necessary. Wild horses couldn't stop it.

[Teresa]

…A common ploy by the female of the species in order to justify her expenditures on her hobby (the house) is that while hubby's expenditures are for him, and therefore selfish, her spending is for "us". Of course, that's poppycock. she gets the same pleasure from new drapes as he gets from a new DAC or new speakers. His reaction to new drapes? "Newspapers over the windows work just as well, as drapes." …

 

No, that’s poppycock! Expenditures on the house or its furnishings is not and has never has been a hobby! I'm sorry you don’t enjoy nice looking drapes and want to live in a ugly shack with newspapers over the windows!

 

Sadly, many women don’t get a chance to enjoy their favorite music over a good sounding audio system because some married men seem to think it is their hobby. Audio should be shared just the same as video is. We need more female audiophiles!

 

…Most women today and for the last 2+ decades are barely recognizable as descendants of Donna Reed and June Cleaver. Women are now real people with jobs, interests, personal preferences, and valid opinions of their own. Wake up, man!

 

David

 

Correct David and we love music too.

 

Not the one's I know! I know many married couples ranging in age from their late twenties all the way into their sixties. All the women are as I described. Nest building is hard-wired into the female psyche, they can't not do it. Every wife I have ever encountered wants to spend the lion's share of the couple's income on the house or apartment, and think that their hubby's/boyfriend's interests are stupid (no matter what they might be) and a waste of money that could (and should) go toward a new kitchen, new carpets, drapes, etc.

 

Women have always been "real people" with jobs, interests, personal preferences, and valid opinions of their own. However, the June Cleavers, and Donna Reeds of this society seem to have, in the past, much more than today, chosen to stay home and raise a family. Of course, starting in the late 20th century, with the middle class eroding quickly away, it became necessary for many wives to work in order for their families to continue to live as well as they used to live on just hubby's income.

 

What is wrong with nest building? What is wrong with a nice looking functional kitchen, nice carpets and drapes? Do you prefer to live in a mud hut? As I said before spending on one’s home and furnishings is not a hobby because it benefits everyone who lives in the home. If you really want to insult a woman give her a kitchen item or other household item as a birthday or Christmas gift and see how insulted she feels. Things for the home are for everyone who lives in the home!

 

Also some hobbies IMHO are stupid, but this varies with different people. Personally I don’t think getting realistic and enjoyable sound out of music I love as a hobby but a necessity. However, some may think changing audio gear all the time is a hobby, but IMHO it is not, it is a disease and it has a name audio nervosa. My advise to married men is to take their wife or significant other with them to buy audio equipment, they will help you choose what not only sounds good but what will look the best with you home furnishings.

 

…Most of the married women that I know work, are active in the community, have definite political ideas (mostly left-wing progressive, for some reason) and many are sparkling conversationalists…

 

I’m a very left wing progressive socialist, I was registered Green Party until I changed to Democrat so I could caucus for the socialist Bernie Sanders, I will be switching back to Green. I agree with all the Green Party platforms, however I think a resource based economy is the best solution especially with the increased use of robots and 3D printing. I can tell you there are left-wing progressive men too, as I have met some of them.

[Teresa]

Could it be possible that audiophiles lie to their wives because they feel guilty about overspending?

In my opinion most of us waste too much money in this hobby...

 

Perhaps, wait until you find a good sale on the item you are purchasing and tell her how much you saved first. Also try not to replace perfectly good equipment too often, instead wait until it dies. Then she will be all for the replacement so she can enjoy her music. Just my personal opinions.