One for Jud and Allan ?

[wwaldmanfan]

Why do people dislike lawyers? This ain't no joke:

 

I'm riding my bicycle with some friends, single file on the shoulder of the road, and I'm last in the line. We see a black Chevy Suburban sitting in the road ahead of us, not moving, no turn signal. We're going pretty fast, about 25 mph. The group opens up a little gap on me, 30-40 yards, then everyone passes the vehicle on the right--except me.

 

Three seconds later, the woman right hooks me--she unexpectedly makes a right turn directly into my path (in order to turn into her driveway). I have just enough time to react--in slow motion. You know how that goes. I see her passenger-side window is rolled down, so I scream, "Stop!", to no avail. I lockup both wheels and swerve to the right, but still T-bone her vehicle, glancing off the front fender. I hit the deck on grass--fortunately--but land directly on my right shoulder. This injury is called a Level III shoulder separation. The ligaments that connect your collarbone to your shoulder disintegrate. It is common among hockey players and football quarterbacks.

 

The woman then proceeds to roll forward, directly over my bicycle, crushing it. She hears something crunching under her car, so she backs up over it a second time. Glad it wasn't my head!

 

At this point, I'm laying on the ground, and her husband comes running out of the house. Ignoring me, he rushes over to inspect the car for scratches. I call for an ambulance on my cell phone, and get taken to the hospital. My upper-extremity surgeon does not want to operate--too risky. I eventully scar up after 18 months, but with a permanent disfigurement, and about 80% use of my shoulder.

 

Here's where the lawyer stuff comes in.

 

I've never sued anyone before, but, I decide that I should. I find a very prominent attorney who happens to be a cyclist himself. He jumps at the chance to represent me, saying it's a slam dunk case. A few weeks later, he gets appointed to a judgeship, and has to recuse himself from the case. Oops.

 

He hands me off to his associate, who has a different perspective. He tries to convince me to drop the case, pointing out that if it goes to trial, the jurors will all be motorists...get it? And, he doesn't get paid unless I win.

At the deposition, the driver says she never saw me. She noticed my nine friends as they passed her, but didn't bother to look in her rearview mirror for anyone else. She also lies through her teeth, claiming she does not recall if she'd had ever had a prior car accident. Who doesn't remember a car accident? I get upset, then her husband gets angry at me, turns belligerent, and is thrown out of the room by their own attorney. Meanwhile, my lawyer is tip-toeing around the issue, and does not get her to admit any fault.

 

Long story short, we go to arbitration, and my attorney sells me out. The woman who nearly killed me gets assessed 50% blame, and I'm 50% at fault for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I get a cash settlement, but it is a pittance.

 

And, thats my lawyer story!!

The End